Seeker Sensitivity

The decision to start attending church again is a HUGE decision and a giant step on that journey of recovery. Remarkably, church may not be a place to quicken your recovery; in fact it may slow recovery down in some cases. There are people that come out of spiritual abuse that do want to attend church again; if nothing else just to have that weekly time to reflect and listen to God’s Word. In returning to church, many of us do not have the energy to do more than simply show up on Sunday morning. Our healing process is not to the point of being able to invest in other people; rather the energy consumed in our own recovery is all that we currently able to expend. It is with those feelings that we look for a place to “belong”; where we can just be ourselves and have some time to heal. Unfortunately, many churches do not have environments where this is encouraged. In some church settings, we may open ourselves up for abuse all over again being left even more bewildered than ever. It is with this in mind that I encourage those recovering from spiritual abuse to steer clear of “Seeker Sensitive” Churches.

Seeker Sensitive Churches seem to be the new trend in the church world today. Attracting those who are “unchurched” is the predominate drive in this movement, and the entire church “experience” is designed with these “unchurched” attendees in mind. This includes the use of rock music during the worship experience and the addition of many other elements (including concert type lighting, props, etc.) not typically witnessed in a “traditional” church setting. The subjects addressed on Sunday mornings are typically “felt need” topics that include money, marriage, children, sex, and service.

The “seeker sensitive” church is not a place where people are encouraged to attend just to come and experience God, and that is the reason that I recommend avoiding this type of church in the spiritual abuse recovery process. Subliminally (or overtly in some cases) it is suggested that the church is not only a place of worship but also work, with demand for certain behaviors being placed on attendees. There are three behaviors encouraged in all “seeker sensitive” churches that are seen as indicators of being a “good” member (not only are these behaviors encouraged, but they are tracked and measured by computer applications). The first behavior is small group membership, the second is giving, and the third is service. We may not be at a place where we want to attend a small group. So many times in the cases of spiritual abuse, the small group is the place where the majority of abuse occurred. In other cases, it seems like people in small groups are creeped out by those claiming that the church as an institution that almost destroyed their faith. We also may not be at a point where we want to give to a church financially, especially in light of our past experiences. Finally, serving may be the last thing that we need to do. The important thing is to take some time for ourselves and allow healing to take place. We would not send someone with a broken limb back out to some sort of physical activity without letting the injury heal. However, we encourage those who are spiritually broken to serve and be involved, when really they just need time to heal.

The bottom line is this… If you make the journey back into church don’t feel pressured to have to “do” anything. It is ok to take the time for you and allow yourself to heal. When the time is right for involvement you will know it. Seek a place that allows you to come and be rather than a place that demands that you come and do.