Catch Phrase

This week was the second week in a row that I attended church (for those keeping score at home). During the service, a person was asked to share part of their journey regarding a very challenging struggle they are experiencing. This brought back memories of countless other stories (testimonies for those in the Baptist world) that I have heard throughout a lifetime in church. It seems like every story that I have heard given in church involves one of the following phrases (or some variation of them):

·       God is faithful

·       He will bring us through

·       God is good

·       It will be used for His glory

·       It is all for good

You can also fill in the blank with the cliché’s and phrases that you have heard over the years. I realized after watching these people share their stories, that they are rewarded by countless praise. Pastors would talk about what great faith this person sharing their story has and how God is working through them and being a light to those around them. 

Have you ever heard someone share a story in church where they didn’t know if they could believe in God again? A person sharing that they didn’t know if they still wanted anything to do with God. This Sunday I realized that if these types of feelings are ever shared in a church type setting (including small groups – Sunday School for those in Baptist circles) that the reaction to the story is very negative. These feeling are met with fear and unbelief, and are definitely not embraced, accepted, or praised. Rather, these individuals are left with a feeling of being less than or not measuring up. The typical response to these types of expressed feelings included being told that you do not have enough faith or do not trust enough.

It occurred to me that in church settings the words we choose are very important and determine if we are accepted or cast out. I don’t know if all of the stories that I have heard over my entire life in church are genuine or not. However, I do believe that we are sublimally taught that the use certain phrases gain us acceptance and love. However, deviate outside of those phrases, and you are not accepted or loved. I have to think that in the back of the mind of some of these people who chose all of the right words were serious doubts about what they are experiencing in life. They had to wonder if God was still there for them and if He had left them. Maybe they didn’t even think about that anymore because they had been sent a message not to feel that way. It is possible that those feelings have been repressed and part of them is dead because they do not know how to really feel what they are going through.

It is sad to think that real feelings have been replaced with catch phrases all in an attempt to do what? Maybe it is to make people feel good or not have to experience the discomfort of asking the hard questions. The fact is that life is messy and we all struggle with wondering if we can really trust God. Whether or not we can share that struggle is a whole different story.

Where Do You Go To Church?

This is the number one question I am asked since returning to Birmingham. Honestly, I get sick of this question. The truth is, most people don’t understand (or want to understand) the spiritual abuse that I have suffered from the church as an institution so the idea of attending church still is not terribly appealing to me. There is this predominate feeling, especially in the south, that you must be in a church so that you can get right again. It is hard when the place you hoped to find solace is the very place devastation occurred.

I haven’t attended church regularly for almost 2 years. Yes, that is right – 2 years. I have, however, attended a recovery group for almost a year that has had a tremendous impact on my life.

What do you do if you have been through spiritual abuse? Where do you go? Early in my recovery process, my counselor gave me permission to NOT attend church. That blew my mind! Not attend church, how can that be? However, that was the most freeing piece of advice given. If you have been through spiritual abuse, I give you permission to take your time getting back into church. It is ok. When you start back (if you decide to), it is ok to ask questions.   Where did I go for help? I found a great counselor and I attended a great recovery group. If you are in the Birmingham area, I would recommend Mark. If you are in the Dallas area looking for a support group, then check out this site.

Price of Freedom

When a decision is made to break free from a cult/spiritual abuse situation the biggest obstacle, making the decision to leave, has been overcome. A new journey is started and life will never be the same. However, the freedom that is chosen comes at a cost. The costs are not always monetary, although in many situations we experience a severe financial setback due to our decision to choose freedom. The cost of freedom may also include the loss of friends and family and even ideology.

Even though times are tough, it is still better to be free and encounter the challenges we now face than to continue to exist in an abusive situation. Doubts plague the back of our minds. Did we really make the right decision to leave? Deep in our hearts we know that we had to make this decision to truly live again. Sometimes when we look at our current situation and things are not going as we hoped they would, we can choose to look behind or ahead. Behind at what we left and the reasons for leaving, or ahead to what lies before us. No matter what is ahead of us, we are now free and that is a great thing.