Return to Church Part 2

Those that have been through cult/spiritually abusive situations may decide to attend church again. In part 2 of this blog series I continue to tackle the big question that comes to mind, “Where should I go to church?” None of us want to be victimized again, so this decision is one that we should carefully make.

Once again, with the help of my good friends Doug and Wendy Duncan we continue on in examining characteristics of unsafe churches and leaders. We cannot guarantee that some characteristics were not overlooked, but this addresses many unhealthy characteristics that we have witnessed in both pastors and churches.

The list is fairly lengthy, so I will cover the second four characteristics on this blog:

· Over Emphasis on Numbers - Too much emphasis on size of the congregation and church building. This can be tricky because I am not saying that numbers being mentioned is a bad thing. However, when numbers seem to be the only thing talked about, that may be a red flag . Numbers can be one of the things that are analyzed, but to solely focus on numbers is a dangerous thing. At some point, the number becomes the item of worship and everything must be done to keep increasing the numbers. In reality the drive becomes not changed lives but increased numbers.

· The “I” Factor - Too many sentences from the pastor that begin with “I”. Or “we” if it is just another way of meaning “I”, but trying to sound inclusive by using “we”. This is can be easily identified through evaluating the leaders blog, church web site or even Twitter. These resources combined with what is presented at the weekend service will quickly show if the “I” factor is in play at this particular church.

· Moodiness - Extremes in the Pastor’s mood. Easily angered or irritated. Once again this can be prevalent through evaluating the leaders blog, church web site or even Twitter. This characteristic is fairly self explanatory.

· Model Wife Syndrome - The Pastor has a “perfect” wife. She is always dressed and groomed beautifully and always on her best behavior. We are not saying that complimenting a preachers wife is a bad thing at all, if anything that needs to be done more often. However, in this type of situation the wife does no wrong. This goes along with presenting a perfect image of not only the leader and the church but the leader’s family as well. This can also be a form of control over the wife. If the wife is “perfect”, it does not allow her to truly share any concerns or issues that she may be experiencing with anyone, therefore keeping her isolated.